Friday, July 26, 2013

Why Are My Kids So Uptight ?

I must preface this post by saying that I am NOT asking this title questions about my kids.  Other than on certain occasions (usually when they are hungry), my kids are NOT uptight, needy, high-maintenance, quick to complain, or otherwise so tightly wound that they cannot deal with even minor changes.

I love my kids and am grateful for
their positive approach to life!

I AM talking about other people's kids.  You know whose kids I am referring to.  It shouldn't take you more than a few moments to remember a recent scenario when you thought aloud to yourself "Whose KIDS are those?!"  And if you're like me, when you do see the parents you might make a fairly quick judgement like "Ohhhh, that makes sense."

I would apologize for any parents this may offend, but I'm NOT sorry.  In fact, you need to hear this and I might as well be the one to tell you.  I am not a perfect parent by any definition of the role, but in my years of parenting I have gained some useful knowledge (much of it from making plenty of mistakes).

Sadly, much of your child's crankiness is NOT a natural reaction, but has been nurtured into them.
 - If they are picky about what they eat, think back on when you catered to their preferences ... or perhaps went the other way and forced too much on them.
 - If your child gets cranky WAY early and wakes up WAY early, remember when you trained them with that schedule through your actions.
 - If your child does not "play well with others" (is bothered by loud noises, has difficulty sharing, doesn't seem to make friends easily, doesn't trust other people, cannot handle being in large group settings, etc.) ... the issue almost always begins with YOU.

Kids model what they see.  For better or worse.
I think most grandparents realize this, which is why they are so much nicer and patient with grandkids than they were with their own children.  With experience has come some wisdom.  "Ohhhhhh, why is he acting like that?!  ... Wait.  I act like that!  Eureka!" and then they improve their own behavior to the betterment of everyone around them.

So please stop complaining about how rough life is with your kiddos.  Stop whining that they never let you leave them alone for a date night or to read a book.  Stop blaming them for being an interruption in your life.  Instead, start recognizing that their behavior is a reflection of YOUR BEHAVIOR and if you want them to change, perhaps YOU should change first.

Song Of The Day:
Flipping the tone of this post from negative (toward these complaining parents) to positive, here is "Come With Me" by Phil Collins.  Listen to the lyrics because they make me think of a loving parent who helps their children be better than them by teaching them how to not repeat their mistakes.  I hope that I can do that for my children.


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