Sunday, October 30, 2011

Why Did You Even Bother Asking ?

I probably shouldn't blog about this.

I probably should just "hold my tongue."

I'll probably regret posting about this.

But right now ... I ... just ... don't ... care !!!

This past Tuesday at work I had a meeting with my boss and my five peers that all report to the same boss.  Our meeting was centered on his OE Survey* results.  He had received pretty low scores (compared to his peer group and his scores from last year and the entire enterprise results).  I was among those that rated him low in several categories, based on my interactions with him thus far this year.  I was honest in my written feedback and even more honest in my scoring of his performance on our 1-5 scale (1 being "Does Not Meet Expectations", 5 being "Exceeds Expectations").
*OE Survey = Organizational Effectiveness survey.  This is an annual, anonymous survey completed by all employees with 25-30 statements to be ranked on the scale mentioned above.  The survey itself is actually VERY useful, but not if you discard the results or pretend they don't mean anything.

My main reason for writing this blog is to explain what to do if you DO NOT care about making improvements or learning from the feedback you've been given.  I know what these are because my boss did basically ALL of them!

First, DO NOT APOLOGIZE.  EVER.  FOR ANYTHING!  If you say you are sorry then it automatically assumes you "own" responsibility for the results.  And that's no way to be a strong "manager!"  You can't have people reporting to you that think you're not absolutely perfect.  Chaos would surely ensue!

Second, ACT SHOCKED AND SURPRISED BY THE RESULTS.  If you don't pretend like these accusations are "out in left field" or came "out of nowhere" then you'll have a hard time disregarding the suggestions for improvement.  It is also important to clarify that you just need to "report back to your boss with some answers and explanations" otherwise people will try to make this about YOU.

Third, DO NOT ALLOW PEOPLE TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.  How can you possibly penalize the people peons who report to you (and should worship you from afar for your sheer amazing awesomeness) if you don't know which ones had the audacity to score you so low?!  You can't.  So you better find a way to get them to fess up to their comments, otherwise ... they might get away with saying truthful things bad lies about you.

Fourth, SHIFT BLAME WHENEVER POSSIBLE.  It is often easiest to do this by blaming your own boss.  This may help you with #3 above.
Here's how: If you get feedback from your boss that someone said you blamed her for your results, you can DENY IT.  Then just ask which person thought that so you can clarify what they misunderstood.  Your boss will likely trust you and tell you ... and then you can penalize that direct report idiot who snitched.

Fifth, RELY ON YOUR "FAVORITES" TO HELP YOU DISMISS THE FEEDBACK.  If you do this right, they (your favorite employees loyal followers) will make you feel better and will also make the employees mean spirited people feel bad for what they've done.

And finally, DO NOT THANK THE GROUP FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS MEETING OR FOR THE HONEST FEEDBACK.  If you thank them they might get the wrong idea that you actually want their input and feedback.
We can't have that now can we?!

...

1 comment:

  1. Wow Josh, I could NOT agree more!!

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