Saturday, April 2, 2011

Seat Up or Seat Down ?

Apologies in advance for the less-than-mature nature of this post.  (How cool is it that I found a way to use the phrase "mature nature" in a sentence?!  They're spelled the same except one letter but pronounced so different!)

Today at work I had the unpleasant experience of using the men's bathroom and ... let's just put it this way: I needed to finish some "paperwork."  Before I sat down, I did what I have done for years now (ever since I was a father of a child who was potty training) ... I checked the toilet seat for "drips."  Sure enough, some prior user had made the selfish decision to leave a "sample" on the seat, which I had to wipe off using more than enough toilet paper to cover my hands and arms up to my elbows (so I don't contract any venereal diseases or something yucky like that!)

This makes me so furious!

Lid lifted before "business"

Lid down ALL other times!
I am not going to tackle the old man vs woman debate about the toilet seat being put up or down.  For the record, I don't think it should be a debate at all.  The top toilet LID (not just the seat) should be down whenever possible.  PERIOD.

What I am going to tackle is the issue of men using the sit-down seats when there are perfectly good urinals less than 10 feet away.  If you must use the sit-down toilet for "onesies" then have the decency to do one of the following actions:
#1.  Lift the lid before you go and then put it back down after you finish.
#2.  Wipe the seat after you are done.

I cannot believe that "professionals" in a very clean work environment do not have the decency to abide by this simple rule.  What are you, in your 30s and still learning how to aim?!  Do you enjoy sitting down onto an already wet seat?!  Are you so blind you couldn't see where you peed?!  (No offense to blind people ... they probably never miss!)

Oh waitaminute ... I just had a thought ... what if it's a woman sneaking into the men's room to teach us a lesson about how the seat should always be "up when you pee and down when you're done" ?!  If so, score one for the ladies.



  1. Can I just say that this post was HIL-ARI-OUS?!! Brilliantly written, wonderfully witty and wry!! I had to stifle my laughs so I wouldn't wake up our cousins in the guest room! For the record: I will never go #2 at work for the fear of having to deal with a wet toilet seat! I loved all of your different descriptions (like "onesies" - classic!)

  2. Definitely down! Who needs evaporated toliet water in the air?