Friday, September 10, 2010

How's that feeling?

That was the very question that my dentist (and at least 100* people that either work in his office or were just passing by and thought "when in Rome" and joined in) asked me at least 50* times today.

You see, he had stabbed* me with his HUGE* needle in at least 20* different places at or around the area where normal people get novacaine to numb their mouths.  And then like every 5 seconds* he kept hounding me about whether or not my lips were getting tingly and if my tongue was feeling fat*.  It just wasn't.  Not at all.

Now I have been to this dentist for a million* appointments and they have all lasted longer than 2 hours (note the absence of an asterisk on that one ... you'll get there ... wait for it).  Even the very first appointment, which was for a deep* cleaning and a somewhat* relaxing chair massage (I think the chair really enjoyed it).

Today, I was un-numb-able (oh it's a real* word ... trust me).  They ripped* my temporary crown off (it said "King James" on it and I just had to dump the traitor) and then mercilessly* caused me great pain and anguish by touching the tooth and asking "can you feel that?!"  YES I CAN !!!  And it hurts!

This was the small* needle he used.
PS - See if you can pick out the male assistant.
So after THREE (also note the absent asterisk) different shots of novacaine, with both the small and BIG needles (also no asterisks) and still no numbness (my tongue felt a little fat, but he's not exercising as much as he used to ... I blame some questionable mouthwash and the fact that Karen is really tired) ... where was I?!  Oh, yeah!  The dentist gave me 2 options: we can just "work on it and see how it goes" ... or ... I could "go about my business and come back an hour or two later when numbness would supposedly occur."  Being a tough-guy* I opted for the former* option.  The male assistant (don't judge me ... he was the ONLY male assistant in the place) suggested that we just head over to Indigo's and get hammered.  He then slurred his words a little too accurately and vomited* on* the* nearest* female* assistant* to* sell* the* whole* joke*.

I called the dentist back at 4:00pm (one hour later) to advise him that I could not move my right arm* but that my teeth were still not feeling any numbness whatsoever.  The receptionist advised me that he shouted* something about "never wanting to see me again"* and that we should let my mouth rest and try again next week.  So next Thursday you can expect a blog about the remaining 27* attempts to numb my teeth, as well as the male assistant's use of a baseball bat to "seal the deal."

*Please assume that anything marked with an asterisk
 may possibly* be an exaggeration or a complete mistruth
that was made up in some lame* attempt
to add humor to this dentist-themed blog post.


  1. LOL! Good thing you're cute or you'd be in a heap of trouble!

  2. Who'd thunk that a post about going to the dentist (a traumatic experience) could be so funny?! Thanks for the laughs! But I do feel bad that you had such a rotten experience at the dentist. P.S. That's Steve Martin as the dentist in the movie "Little Shop of Horrors" - good pick for a picture to post!

  3. LOVED this post... did you at least get the paraffin wax treatment while you waited?!?!