What Are The Five Secrets To Life ?

One of the books I've recently read suggests that there are five key secrets everyone should discover before they die.  Here is a link to a short intro to the book on if you want to read about it, but I've also listed the title topics of those five secrets below.

Secret #1:  Be True To Your Self

Secret #2:  Leave No Regrets

Secret #3:  Become Love

Secret #4:  Live The Moment

Secret #5:  Give More Than You Take

I highly suggest buying the book or borrowing it from the library and reading it in its entirety.  The author outlines his experiences conducting interviews of hundreds of wise people in their later stages of life.  The common themes of their success, happiness, wisdom, etc. are contained in these secrets.  They provide insight into living a life you'll be glad you lived when you reach that stage of life and look back on how you've spent your time on this earth.

The first secret has been on my mind a lot lately, but I'm not sure I'm any closer to truly living it.  The author suggests the following questions to help you assess whether you are living true to your self:
- Did this day or week feel like my kind of day / week?  What would make tomorrow or next week feel more true to myself?
- Was I the kind of person I wanted to be today / this week?
- Am I following my heart right now?  What would it mean for me to really do that?

I feel the key with this secret is to really ponder and meditate on who you want to be.  I can think of that in smaller increments (good father, loving husband, caring friend, etc.) but other than an unreachable ideal of perfection (i.e. Jesus Christ) I'm not sure I can define an overall person I want to be.  That leaves me wanting when it comes to knowing if my life's work or personality or even hobbies are truly me or if they are where I happen to be and what I happen to be doing.  At least I theoretically have plenty of years left to figure that out and move toward it right?!


Song Of The Day:
Today's song choice is "I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath.  My favorite part of it is not the lyrics, although those are great, but rather the background vocals on the chorus.  I'm not sure why they capture my attention each time I hear the song, but I love to sing along.  I'm sharing the song because at least with music I feel like I can be true to myself.  I know what I like and what I don't and more importantly, I know why I like what I like (for the most part).  The title of this track also shares a message about how we can change into whoever we truly are and I love that concept and believe it to be true!
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What Have You Read Lately ?

As a youth, reading was easily one of my favorite pastimes.  Encyclopedia Brown was a favorite series that comes to mind, but almost any kind of book was interesting to me.  I read fiction and non-fiction.  In either genre my favorite thing to do was imagining myself into the story or identifying with the lessons learned by the main characters and trying to learn them for my own future use.  It was just as Nephi (from the Book Of Mormon - 1 Nephi 19:23) had written when he said he did "liken the scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning."  In fact that's likely where I got the idea.

That concept has stuck with me all my life, but my "reading time" had disappeared almost entirely with the time commitment that my marriage, being a father, working full time, and so on had rightfully demanded.  I didn't really miss my reading time because my life was filled with plenty of other enjoyable experiences in those new roles and responsibilities.  But technology is truly amazing and, if used properly, is another gift from the Lord!

Through use of the Kindle app on my iPad, and my long forgotten library card (I cannot believe it's still active and you can read the numbers on it) I have been able to read three books thus far this year.  That may not sound like much, but if you knew how little I've read books in the past 15 years you would be amazed.
I've read a book about preparing for interviews and a new role or job (from the Knock 'Em Dead series).  I've read a research book (The Power Of Habit - cover shown on the left) which has helped me begin replacing habits I do not want to keep with those I believe to be important to me.  And because the title caught my attention, I've read "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die."  That book coupled with the Habit book has already inspired and motivated me to make some positive personal changes in how I view and live my life.

Best of all, I have been reminded of my love for investing time and energy in reading again.  Not just reading sports articles or pop culture magazines, but books that I can learn important life lessons from.  Even those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books of my youth taught important truths that I hold dear to me still, mainly: your choices always have consequences ... and you don't get to choose what those are - only the initial choice is yours alone.  What happens afterward is, in some cases, already decided.  So choose wisely!


Song Of The Day:
I love reading, but had forgotten how much.  So I'm featuring a great song by Chris Rice today, which asks a great question.
"When Did You Fall (In Love With Me)"  is a song about relationship love, but the questions pondered in the lyrics could almost all be written about books or other pastimes.  I'd also forgotten how much I loved this melody, so I hope you enjoy it too.

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How Do You Teach Technology Etiquette ?

Perhaps the better title of this post would have been "Just because we can does it mean we should ?" but that may be misleading or altogether confusing.  I'm specifically only referring to etiquette when using technology for communication purposes.

It is almost mind-boggling to consider the communication options that technology affords us.  I remember it being less than a decade ago when I had my first workplace video conference call.  I found it amazing to be able to see and hear business partners that were thousands of miles away.  Sure the images were limited and a little grainy, but I was in awe (and this even with my employer's technology being well behind the curve at that time with the equipment we were using).

Fast forward to this year.  I have been on a few video chats with many different people from many miles away ... on my PHONE!  The picture and sound quality are much better than they were in that office chat, and at least one of these situations involved multiple devices being connected (i.e. my phone to someone else's tablet and they are connected to someone else's phone).  Simply AMAZING right?!

And yet ... the social etiquette of these face to face conversations was nothing near what it would have been had we been speaking in person.  This has also been the case when I have received phone calls during a time that text messaging would have been more appropriate to the topic of conversation.  It also goes the other way, where we get so used to texting others that we forget the option we have to actually call and verbally converse with one another.

It seems to me that we'd all be better served to consider the time, place, mode, and purpose of conversations we are having through use of any electronics.
Does everyone need to be connected in on this call or video chat?  Does this need to be discussed now or would it be better after kids and pets have gone to bed or outside?  Wouldn't it be easier to text since the connection is spotty?

Bottom line: just because the technology exists doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.


Song Of The Day:
I'm sharing "Talking Loud And Clear" by OMD with today's post.  You've likely never heard this song before, but it's a classic 80's synth-pop tune.  But that isn't why it relates to today's post.  If you take the 4 minutes to listen to the tune, I suggest paying attention to the lyrics as they are poetic and beautiful.

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What Is The First Step ?

In famous self-help programs it is almost always said that the first step is admitting the problem.  This may seem odd in some circumstances, as it feels rather obvious that there is a problem.  But as I have observed different people in different circumstances lately, it has become clearer to me that many people don't even realize they have a problem in the first place.  And getting them to admit that would be a HUGE first step.

Let's take a few examples of things that might not even be considered a problem.

Electronic device connectivity.  I'm talking about your phone, computer, internet, television, or your iAnything.  How long do you go without needing to "connect" to the grid electronically?  Has it become a habit at certain times of the day or in certain situations?  While we're at it, Facebook or social media could be a problem for you.  FOMO (fear of missing out) isn't healthy, and actually can cause you to "miss out" on real life.

Unhealthy eating.  When was the last time you wrote down everything that you ate for the entire day?  You may actually have snacking patterns that are the main contributing factor to lack of weight loss or increased cholesterol, etc.  Either on purpose or inadvertently, you could be setting yourself up for failure and not even be able to be fully aware of it.  You can't stop poor or excessive eating if you can't admit that it is happening.

Excessive shopping or spending money.  Here again, it likely takes a serious, in depth look at where and when you spend money before you can recognize a problem.  Credit and debit cards have certainly made this very easy to happen without us noticing.  It may only feel like (or even actually be) just $10 here and there, but at the end of the month, the money is long gone and you're left wondering how.

I think the key to fixing these problems begins with having a mentor, coach, or close friend to whom you give explicit permission and authority to call you out on anything.  This likely cannot be your immediate boss at work or even your significant other, as that may cause more problems than it solves.  You need someone who you can trust, but not hold a grudge against, to help you admit where you have problems.  I'm confident this is why we have financial planners, diet and exercise coaches, etc.  I personally would prefer not to have to pay someone to tell me I have a problem, but if that's what it takes to be able to admit it, perhaps it's not a waste of money at all.


Song Of The Day:
Yeah it's a love song, but "Step By Step" by Eddie Rabbitt works well for today's post.  The phrase you've gotta take that first step is why I picked it, because nothing else can happen until you do that.  It works with everything in life and soon those first steps become easier and easier to take.

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How Are You Even A DJ ?

I've blogged before about a local radio station I love to listen to because it plays soft favorites and smooth jazz.  Most mornings on my commute to work the radio will be tuned to this station and I only turn the channel when commercials come on.

Recently I noticed that there is one other time when I HAVE TO turn the channel, but it has nothing to do with the music or commercials ... it's the DJ.

I'm no expert, but it seems to me that one of the most basic criteria for being a Radio DJ would be that you have the ability to speak clearly, confidently, concisely, and without too many of the traditional space-filling words and sounds that most normal humans use (i.e. um, uh, so, hmm, well, or even a sigh).  This is most evident when sharing news updates or short stories to fill time in between loading songs to play, etc.

This guy (DJ Michaels) is HORRIBLE at that basic skill!

I'm a relatively forgiving person, but I simply cannot listen to him once he starts sharing factoids, or funny news stories, or even local news updates.  The best way I can describe how it sounds is like this: picture a college freshman seminar where each person is asked to give a two-minute speech on a topic they've never heard about or seen before in their life.  The stumbling and fumbling around which words to use, the order in which they go, and even the greater purpose of conveying a single thought, idea, or story, seem to be lost amidst random comments or verbal filler.  It's like listening to someone try to tell you about an article they are reading while they are reading it.

I just really wonder how little the salary must be, or how complicated the system for playing music, etc. must be for this DJ to still be employed with such a clear skill being so lacking.


Song Of The Day:
It's only fair to share a really positive song today, to combat the negativity and complaining from my post.  So here's "The Next Time I Fall" by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant which is playing semi-often on the aforementioned radio station.  It fits for me because sometimes this DJ even sounds like he just fell off his chair and is scrambling to fill air time.  The next time that happens I'll continue to change the station until he's done talking.

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Why Do You Even Respond ?

I never thought I would actually have hate toward a letter of the alphabet, but that's what's happening here.  Every single letter response to a text or instant message conversation is moving me further and further down a path of destruction.  I'm beginning to wish the letter didn't even exist.  I'm questioning whether it has any value outside of that lazy response.  In fact, I've written this whole first paragraph to this blog and haven't needed to use it once.  Perhaps it has been over-rated all these years and should be relegated to a single function.

And yet I find myself also wondering ... why do those who invest the infinitely small amount of time to reply with that letter even do so in the first place?  Perhaps, they see the inequality of letter distribution in everyday language and they have vowed to elevate this letter to it's rightful place in history.  Consider their efforts a crusade to right what is wrong.  In that case, they are most certainly not deserving of my negative reactions, but rather are worthy of admiration for their actions.  Could it be that they are sending more of a message than just the letter itself?  If so, what other letters will they rally behind and create usage for?  Will we type or text a simple "Q" to represent answers we do not have?  If someone is boring us or we need to head to bed would a "Z" response suffice?

Perhaps we'll never Know ... (see, I guess it does have another use!)


Song Of the Day:
I think of the title of the song "Don't Answer Me" by the Allan Parsons Project whenever I get a "k" response.  Just save yourself a millisecond and I'll assume you saw the text and agreed with what I said.  I trust technology well enough to believe that you got my message.  If you don't agree or you have something of value to add, feel free to respond when you have time to type at least a few keystrokes.  K?

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What Grudges Are You Carrying ?

A while back, I received some information from a person whose opinions I generally respect.  This individual was more or less assessing my value with the information that they shared.  At the time, I disagreed with their assessment so much that I took what they shared with me and printed it out on a sheet of paper.  I then folded this piece of paper up and carried it with me for many months.  I was literally carrying a grudge.

I wonder what would happen if we had to do this with all the perceived unfair judgments or improper actions of others.  Would we be as quick to judge or take offense?  Would we seek ways to remove the burden of blaming others?  How much easier would it be to separate real offenses from the very little things that don't matter much at all?  How much easier would it be to see how these reactions are only hurting ourselves?  Would we feel the physical weight of these grudges and choose to let them go sooner?

As for me, I wanted to experiment with having this piece of paper with me everywhere I went (within reason - it's not like I put it in a plastic bag to shower with or anything).  Each day the paper went into one of the pockets in my pants or shorts.  I almost never opened the paper up to look at what was depicted on it.  I didn't need to.  I already knew how this person valued me, or in my estimation under-valued me.

At length, I decided to "let go" of this grudge I was carrying.  It may have been comments from others that enabled me to do this.  As people in my life provided me with compliments or other means their assessment of my value, I found that I'd rather focus on those collective messages than this single statement.  I snapped the picture above and then tossed the paper into a recycle bin at work.  It felt great!  But the real value was knowing that I wasn't burdened any longer by this grudge.  The rest of that day I was much more happy and content.  I saw good all around me and found friends instead of foes.  I wanted everyone to feel that relief of burden from grudges so I wrote this post.  Hopefully anyone reading this can "let go" of things they've been carrying for way too long now.  You'll be glad you did!


Song Of The Day:
One of my favorite genres for music are songs about lost love.  Of course when you're in a happy marriage, it sorta sends the wrong message when you say this, so I have to carefully choose when to share some of these great tunes.  As related to today's song choice, "My Love's Leavin" by Steve Winwood, I suggest replacing the word "love" in the song with the word "grudge."  Then this lost love song can actually be more of a positive song about letting go of grudges.  Yeah it's a stretch I know ... at least I didn't use "Let It Go" from Frozen!  :)
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