Sometimes in life, situations can lead us to think disparaging thoughts. We can then dwell on those thoughts until we find ourselves visibly angry. The simple power of an idea or concern repeated in our self-talk can raise our blood pressure, increase our heart rate, and even clench our teeth or fists in a building rage or disappointment. If left unchecked, this can eliminate positive thoughts entirely and destroy relationships or personal progress.
Yesterday I was in that very place, thinking those very negative thoughts, and finding myself righteously indignant toward a certain person whose words and actions justified (note the sarcasm intended here) my angry mood. I couldn't focus on my work. I couldn't generate any motivation to clear items on ANY of my To Do Lists. All I could focus on was the growing anger and resentment toward this person and their actions.
I tried to vent my frustrations to my loving wife, who has I assume willingly listened to more than her fair share of these mini-tirades in our many years together. But it didnt help. In fact, it seemed to make things worse. The more I spoke, the more angry and hurt I became. I began to question the value of anything I was investing my time in. Why does any extra effort matter when something so tiny can negate all of that positive performance? It was rough, and my wife doesn't deserve to hear such harsh language, so I walked away. But being alone didn't help either.
A small amount of time passed. The kids were sent to bed, but my youngest son, Spencer, just over a year old, seemed unwilling to go to sleep in my wife's arms. This is unusual because he always wants her to put him to sleep. Realizing that she might need a break, I softly took him from her arms and went to his room to sing him to sleep. He immediately stopped fussing and began his put-me-to-sleep humming sound. After a few Harry Connick Jr songs (he seems pretty partial to "I've Got A Great Idea" from the We Are In Love CD), it hit me ... THIS is what really matters.
After laying him down, I went back in the family room to chat with my wife. She mentioned that Spencer must have just needed some 'daddy time' but I don't think that's true. I think daddy needed some Spencer time to remind him what really matters.
Song Of The Day:
I knew that I would be writing this blog today, but wasn't sure what would be a good song to accompany the post. Then this morning, a work friend's Facebook post reminded me of a song I love that I haven't heard in years. "Seven" by Prince* is not a song about kids, but it is a song about love and it also makes me think of my seven children and how they (plus my wife of course) are what really matters in my life.
*Sadly I could not find a link for the original song by Prince, so this one is performed a capella by the Brown Jabberwocks. It's pretty good, but I LOOOOOVE the original Prince version.