How Many Stomps Was That ?

Around this time of year people generally think about traditions more frequently.  It's likely influenced by the holidays that bring families together (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's) but whatever the reason, it is quite interesting to ask questions and find out about how certain traditions came to be.

In this case, I'm not actually referring to a holiday tradition, but rather, one that has been passed from my family of origin to my current family.  (Don't read too much into that current family designation - I'm not seeking a future family different from my current wife and kids - but families grow and shift and change so I'm just clarifying this tradition exists in our home in this family setup).

Growing up in different homes (because my family moved several times, not for some other reason - stop making me digress!) there was one common style of our houses - we always had a basement.  In fact, in most cases (no pun intended - and if you don't stop interrupting me this is gonna be a really long post!), almost all of us kids' rooms were in the basement.  This was the circumstance that led to our creation of a communication method between the people upstairs and those in the basement.  Stomping.

Spencer sometimes uses boots
to help him 'stomp'

Depending on the number of 'stomps' from someone upstairs there was a different expectation of those downstairs in our homes.  Two stomps meant the phone was for you (remember this was before cell phones existed - even before cordless phones if you go back far enough).  Three stomps meant 'come upstairs.'  For a brief period, four stomps meant someone was at the door for you - but that quickly proved ineffective (people at the door seemed to get really worried when they heard loud 'thumps' in a rhythmic pattern right after they rang the doorbell or knocked).  Along those same lines is the reasoning by which one stomp never retained an assigned value - sometimes people fall or something heavy drops.  This was sometimes used to indicate those downstairs occupants were being too loud - but then, since we were that loud, we never really heard that lone stomp, so the only effect was upstairs folks getting sore feet and more angry.

Here's how the record of the House of Case reads on this subject:

Sometimes the boots win

14. And it came to pass that the current Casa de Case household uses a similar stomping method in this day and age.  Yea, the wisdom of a generation before hath been passed on to the betterment of the lives in this generation.
15. And the use in this location was like unto this: one stomp indicates a message of 'quiet down', which is effective in this generation despite it's previous failure; two stomps has no discernible message, but is used as a more serious version of 'quiet down' should the need arise; three stomps indicates a message of 'come upstairs now' and is used frequently and with great success, especially when the stomps occur directly over the room or location wherein the downstairs person is present.

It ain't high tech and it takes some explanation when guests come over, but I dare say many other families have picked up on and use themselves this tradition of communication.  Feel free to join those who see the value of this - but I don't recommend it in the workplace or an apartment setting.  :)


Song Of The Day:
I don't know all the history and background of the song, but "Stompin' At The Savoy" by Benny Goodman and his big band has always been a favorite jazzy song of mine.  If you can't figure out the tie in with today's post then just enjoy the music (and maybe contemplate your capacity to apply basic critical thinking skills - I think this is a 3rd or 4th grade lesson).

...

You Wrote A Post About WHAT ?!

This post is indeed about sex.

I'll clarify that for my purposes I am referring very specifically to sex between a man and woman who are legally and lawfully wedded to one another.

Sex is beautiful. Sex is fun. Sex is essential for a healthy marriage. Sex is sacred and special, but it doesn't have to be so secretive. Sex in a marriage should be about more than just procreation.

I love and appreciate all my parents taught me growing up, but there were never any open discussions about sex. My siblings and I all joked, when we got older, that with three September birthdays, we knew dad "got lucky" around Christmas or New Years. My older brother is the lone July birthday (go ahead and make your own pun about celebrating Labor Day).

Sometimes sex just fixes things. It reassures each partner of love and affection from their spouse. It can be a selfless act of service. Make Up sex has the power to sooth over hurt feelings and clear the clutter of emotions or extreme logic from a wife or husband. The acts of foreplay before and cuddling after, produce physical and emotional feelings of closeness and connectivity. This is essential in a healthy marriage.

With 7 kids, I often get questioned by unintentionally rude people who ask "do you know how that happens?" Well yes, of course I do.  I usually just laugh it off, but I really want to suggest that they reconsider if they are engaging in that experience as a couple as often as they ought to be.  Sometimes jealousy comes out of our mouths as mockery of others.

If any of my children are reading this now (or perefrably in future years once you are married yourself), please take this advice in the right context. Talk with your spouse about sex. Ask questions to understand how to support their preferences; including frequency, foreplay, timing, positions, who initiates, bedroom talk, fantasies, and anything else that might come up.

It is nearly impossible to have a heathy relationship of any kind without open communication. Add in the nuances around sex and you can almost guarantee failure or sadness in a marriage if you don't communicate openly and honestly about it.

To be clear, but not crude, I love my wife and am grateful for her open communications about all things in our marriage, including sex.  I hope this post does not offend anyone.  The subject has come up in my mind as something worth writing about far too often for me to continue skipping over it.  If we could talk more openly about the positive attributes of a healthy sexual relationship, I think the world wouldn't be so focused on all the negatives surrounding it.  Sometimes evil or carnal things seem to win because good or spiritual refuses to speak up.


Song(s) Of The Day:
There are plenty of songs about sex out there, and most are written from a vulgar perspective.  That is sad because sex really is a wonderful thing.  I know it is a part of God's plan for us on this earth, and it can be a very spiritual experience if approached with respect and true love, not just lustful or carnal desires.
There are no song links in this post (you can youtube search on your own because I don't know what the videos might display that could turn any of these songs from useful to degrading or basal).  I love the following tunes related to a healthy sexual relationship (again, I stress that my beliefs are that this is between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded):  "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye, "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt 'N Pepa, "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael, and "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men.
If you listen to the words of these songs in the right frame of mind each one of these expresses important truths about a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse.

Where's The Ownership ?

In any form of communication, there are responsibilities for both the sender of the message and the receiver of the message.  Breakdowns can occur on either end of that relationship, but most often, it seems that it is the receiver who is not fulfilling their part of the obligation.

If you as a receiver of a message, misunderstand something, why is it someone else's fault?  When you are confused by a message from someone, why don't you just ask more questions to clarify, instead of just waiting for there to be trouble later?

This is especially frustrating when someone becomes an adult and still exhibits these tendencies.  They point the finger of blame at other people when it is actually their own inability to take responsibility for their poor listening skills or lack of focus during important conversations.

I worry that many in the coming generation(s) will learn from the example of poor parents and leaders, who support this kind of blaming others whenever possible approach.  There is real peace and humility in being able to admit your own opportunities.  It is cleansing to own your mistakes or inabilities and makes the world a better place when you are willing to ask for help from others in order to improve.

There does not need to be so much fear around admitting that we were wrong.  In most cases, the error is something trivial that will quickly be forgotten.  But the lessons learned from it will last a lifetime or more.  The only real issue is when you keep making the same mistake with no improvement.  I have found that most people are quick to forgive and eager to help me improve when I admit my mistakes and sincerely ask for them to help me.

Song Of The Day:
Today's tune is presented with intent to sound sarcastic, because it should matter to everyone involved when there is miscommunication or a lack of ownership.  But "It Don't Matter" by Donovan Frankenreiter is a relaxing tune about letting things go if they aren't important.  Just make sure not to avoid the hard truths when one error turns into a pattern of poor behavior.

...