Can You Be TOO Comfortable ?

From our earliest experiences in life, comfort is something we naturally seek after.  Whether cradled in the arms of our mother or father, or feeling like we have just the right fit to our clothes, even as babies we instinctively know when we're comfortable.

"You will never want to leave"

As adults, the efforts we undergo to attain that comfort we seek are sometimes laughable, as are the reactions we have when we are not comfortable (wouldn't it be easier sometimes if we could just cry like a baby or scream like a toddler when we're not comfortable as adults?)
In our relationships, with basic needs (food, clothing, shelter), and even in social constructs including church, parties, or extended family gatherings, we still seek comfort and avoid discomfort.  We also do this at work.  And just like with any of the other comfortable situations, this can actually become too much of a good thing.

There is value in being comfortable at work, but there is danger also.  Becoming too comfortable in what we know or what we are doing can eventually keep us from trying to learn and grow.  It can be a very quick decline from being filled with energy and passion and curiosity to a state of complacency or a why-does-it-even-matter attitude.  This can then begin to have a negative impact on not just the work environment, but even that life/work balance everyone tries to find comfort around as well.  Despite our best efforts, work does come home with us and things in our personal life spill over at work.  So it is important to find a proper balance between comfort and challenging ourselves to doing more.

Consider an introspective series of questions if you feel you might be too comfortable.  Here are just a few examples to get you started:
What have you learned recently?  What questions have you asked?  Where could you be performing better if you only had more [knowledge, skills, experience, coaching, etc.]?  What is going well in the current environment?  What is going poorly?  What do peers complain about?  Could you actually do anything to improve on that?  Are you "phoning it in" or does your day-to-day work actually get the best you have to offer?  If you're not giving it your all, ask why not?  When did it change?  What could YOU do to change it back?  Do you need to seriously consider a role or even career change?

I am grateful to have recently worked with several great people who believe in and support the concept of creating positive discomfort for ourselves and others we work with.  This means we ask those questions above and then work together to push ourselves out of our comfort zones so that growth can happen.  Without that support, I fear I could have easily become lethargic and largely unproductive, not just at work but in all aspects of my life.


Song Of The Day:
Many people embrace their comforts but remain stagnant out of fear.  I believe most people are more afraid of change than they are just plain lazy.  Positive Discomfort is the opposite of easy.  It requires work and effort and most challenging: facing the unknown.  So today I'm bringing back "Freedom 90" by George Michael, because there is real freedom in leaving the comfortable and entering the uncomfortable.  As any good infomercial warns us: results may vary.  But wouldn't you rather try something new and see what happens than just stay in your limiting comfort zone?  Overcome that fear by bringing a friend along with you.  At the very least you'll have a story to tell later.

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You Wrote A Post About WHAT ?!

This post is indeed about sex.

I'll clarify that for my purposes I am referring very specifically to sex between a man and woman who are legally and lawfully wedded to one another.

Sex is beautiful. Sex is fun. Sex is essential for a healthy marriage. Sex is sacred and special, but it doesn't have to be so secretive. Sex in a marriage should be about more than just procreation.

I love and appreciate all my parents taught me growing up, but there were never any open discussions about sex. My siblings and I all joked, when we got older, that with three September birthdays, we knew dad "got lucky" around Christmas or New Years. My older brother is the lone July birthday (go ahead and make your own pun about celebrating Labor Day).

Sometimes sex just fixes things. It reassures each partner of love and affection from their spouse. It can be a selfless act of service. Make Up sex has the power to sooth over hurt feelings and clear the clutter of emotions or extreme logic from a wife or husband. The acts of foreplay before and cuddling after, produce physical and emotional feelings of closeness and connectivity. This is essential in a healthy marriage.

With 7 kids, I often get questioned by unintentionally rude people who ask "do you know how that happens?" Well yes, of course I do.  I usually just laugh it off, but I really want to suggest that they reconsider if they are engaging in that experience as a couple as often as they ought to be.  Sometimes jealousy comes out of our mouths as mockery of others.

If any of my children are reading this now (or perefrably in future years once you are married yourself), please take this advice in the right context. Talk with your spouse about sex. Ask questions to understand how to support their preferences; including frequency, foreplay, timing, positions, who initiates, bedroom talk, fantasies, and anything else that might come up.

It is nearly impossible to have a heathy relationship of any kind without open communication. Add in the nuances around sex and you can almost guarantee failure or sadness in a marriage if you don't communicate openly and honestly about it.

To be clear, but not crude, I love my wife and am grateful for her open communications about all things in our marriage, including sex.  I hope this post does not offend anyone.  The subject has come up in my mind as something worth writing about far too often for me to continue skipping over it.  If we could talk more openly about the positive attributes of a healthy sexual relationship, I think the world wouldn't be so focused on all the negatives surrounding it.  Sometimes evil or carnal things seem to win because good or spiritual refuses to speak up.


Song(s) Of The Day:
There are plenty of songs about sex out there, and most are written from a vulgar perspective.  That is sad because sex really is a wonderful thing.  I know it is a part of God's plan for us on this earth, and it can be a very spiritual experience if approached with respect and true love, not just lustful or carnal desires.
There are no song links in this post (you can youtube search on your own because I don't know what the videos might display that could turn any of these songs from useful to degrading or basal).  I love the following tunes related to a healthy sexual relationship (again, I stress that my beliefs are that this is between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded):  "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye, "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt 'N Pepa, "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael, and "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men.
If you listen to the words of these songs in the right frame of mind each one of these expresses important truths about a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse.

Why Am I Not Surprised ?

I know it's very cliche, and you can go ahead and call me sexist for it.  I don't care.  I'll own it.  But the facts are the facts (from my perspective anyway) and this is a pretty universal truth.

Women (especially as related to weddings) just take LONGER.

This morning was the rehearsal for my buddy Greg's wedding to his beautiful bride Erin.  They are both awesome people and come from pretty darn good families too.  In point of fact, the bride (and groom, but they came together) and most of the bridesmaids were the last to arrive at the rehearsal, some as much as an hour later than we were supposed to be there.  **To be fair, we men do seem to put pressure on women to get all "gussied up" and so on, which does justify some of their excessive primping time ... but I think they play that card a little too often.  Just sayin'.  :)

On the other hand, myself and one other groomsman (with kids in the wedding!) were the first to be there.

This shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.

Song Of The Day:
There's a song called "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" sang by the great Aretha Franklin and George Michael (an odd pairing considering the lyrics and message of the song).  This song has two meaning for the blog post today.  The first should be obvious to you (men waiting for women).  The second is a tribute to my friends Greg and Erin, who have been waiting for each other ... and I'm so glad they found each other!  What a great couple!

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