Why Are YOU Using The Tall One ?

Ladies, this is not a situation you've ever had to deal with so you are excused from having to read on if you would like to spend your time somewhere else.

Gentlemen, if this is YOU, please correct your behavior.  It's just the right thing to do.  For you.  For me.  For society.  For the janitorial staff.


In many restrooms that cater to "Men" there are two different heights of urinals available for use.  One might think this is to support more boys and men but it really has nothing to do with our age.  It has to do with your height.  If you're of average or shorter than average height, then you should generally choose to use the shorter urinals, and the taller ones should be used by the taller males.

Without being too crude about it, no matter how good your "aim" is, it is always easier to hit your target when it is at the right height to begin with.  A taller man begins his aiming in the middle of the taller urinal.  But if he uses a shorter urinal, his aim begins slightly above the top of the urinal.  This means he has to be very aware to adjust the natural flow of events to avoid unwanted liquids to end up on the flushing mechanism.  In similar but reverse fashion, a shorter individual using a taller urinal has to direct the flow onward and upward to avoid missing the drain entirely, thus rendering the floor and the shoes of anyone in the vicinity as the final resting place for bodily fluid waste.

To my brethren out there ... can I get an AMEN?!  Can we not band together and begin to expect everyone to use an appropriate height urinal?!  Tall or short, it is equally frustrating to have to use a urinal that is not at our height!


Song Of The Day:
Before he became a regularly Oscar-nominated Disney song writer, Randy Newman put together several albums with quite a variety of messages.  One of my personal favorites is "Short People" and when some short jerk takes the tall stall instead of the appropriately sized one, I secretly sing this song in my mind while finishing my business.  Short people got no reason to live ...

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What Is The Appropriate Response?

I cannot be the only person to have experienced this in my life.  At least I hope not.
I am seriously asking this question, even if, as you read on, you may perceive my tone as sarcastic or silly.  I really want to know because it is awkward and I always feel stupid after it happens.

Picture yourself in a public restroom.  There you are "taking care of business" when all of a sudden you hear a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a voice saying something like "Is anyone in there?" or worse, just a simple "Hello?"  Presumably this is someone from the janitorial staff and they have chosen this moment to clean the restroom you happen to be using right now.

So what do you say?

I'm here.

Yo!

Heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy ...

El baño es ... occupado?

I honestly never know, so my response is usually a combination of grunts or jumbled words that I am hoping the custodian recognizes as not normal sounds from a bathroom faucet, toilet, urinal, sink, or paper towel dispenser.  But the worst part is having to walk out after this awkward conversation.  Often the cleaner is just standing there waiting, and

what are you supposed to say then?

Thanks for letting me finish.

Um, that soapy mess by the right sink was there when I came in.

Sup (followed by an upward head nod)

Clean up on stall 3.

Song Of The Day:
As I wrote this post, my twisted sense of humor came up with the tune
"More Than Words" by Extreme for today's song.
I think perhaps the best answer to the title question of this blog may actually involve using more than words to respond to the custodian's question.

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