What is the Most Annoying Sound in the world ?

You might think it is THE NOISE that Lloyd (Jim Carrey's character) makes in the movie "Dumb and Dumber" ... but you'd be wrong.

(Click "the noise" above for the audio of that ... if you need it).

Last night (and into this morning) I found out the actual answer to that question ...

THE most annoying sound in the world is ...

a Smoke Detector with a low battery!

Feel free to disagree, but just know this:  You are wrong!

Here are my arguments:

 - First, it's not a constant sound that you can drown out with another noise.  It is just ... every one ... to two ... to three ... minutes.  I honestly think there is a little smoke detector gremlin in there watching me and he/she makes it beep at random intervals just to mess with me.  I hate him/her but more on that later.

 - Second, it is LOUD!  No matter where you are, no matter what kind of earplugs you are wearing, no matter if you wrapped a very think towel around it ... you CANNOT not hear it when it beeps!  And the chirp that it makes has to be irritating, otherwise people would ignore it and their houses would burn down.

 - Third, it cannot be reset or stopped without a replacement battery (which I never seem to be able to find even though I swear we have as many batteries as Radio Shack at any given point).  Can't there just be a 24-hour "snooze" button or something?!  Some waiver I can sign that promises I won't start any fires in the house until it is fixed?!

 - And last but not least, when it IS time to replace the battery, GOOD LUCK figuring out which of your 1,000 different detectors is actually the one with a low battery.  Remember those gremlins in the detector I mentioned before?  This is where they get downright cruel!  I think there was a recent episode of Modern Family where the dad spends a whole day trying to find the right battery to replace.  It's even worse than they depicted it.

Suffice it to say that this afternoon when Karen returned from shopping, I finally had a replacement 9-volt battery ... and I found the struggling detector.  After a brief, but quite challenging, battle with the little gremlin (I won by licking the battery and shocking the $#!+ out of him!) ... I restored the power to the detector in the little girls' room.

Oh what sweet relief it was when the beeping was finally over!  Now I can sleep so much better tonight!  :)

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Remember this movie ?

Karen and I signed up for Netflix some time ago and have really enjoyed using the "instant" netflix option on our Wii game system.  At the same time, we still get a DVD in the mail every few days and usually those are either recent movies that we've wanted to see or old favorites that we've never bought.

On Thursday, Spaceballs came in the mail.

At first when I saw the title I rolled my eyes and thought "really?!"  But then last night we watched it and I forgot how funny it is (outside of the very crude parts, which I had also forgotten about).

My favorite part is anything that makes Karen laugh, which happened a few times, but most notably when Lord Helmet, Colonel Sanders, and another crew member are watching the movie during the movie so they can fast forward to see where the Princess is hiding.  "Wait, go back!"  "Too when?"  "To then!"  "Then is now sir."  "Well then can we get back to now?"  "No sir, we just missed it."

I love Karen's laughter and it has to be one of my top five favorite things about her.  So no matter what movies or TV shows we watch, as long as Karen is laughing you can bet that I am having a great time!  :)

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Was it really slow or is this just much faster ?

Today at work, my computer was swapped out.  The IT lady seemed very frustrated that someone was actually sitting at a desk where she planned to swap out a computer.  Silly me.  I should not have believed the SIX e-mails I got that indicated all along the way in this process that has taken almost THREE weeks that the IT rep would contact me prior to the replacement to "coordinate the actual time and date."

I digress.

After I politely shut my whole system down (in the middle of some rather detailed spreadsheet work) and she swapped out the hard drive ... and keyboard and mouse (score!) ... I was able to log back in to my "NEW" computer.

Wow.

I should have said thank you.  Loudly!

(For those preparing themselves for a hilarious tale about how my "NEW" computer isn't any better ... just stop reading now ... there is absolutely NO sarcasm in the above comments!)



Believe it or not, this is the NEW one!



I am uncertain how long I have had my "old" hard drive, but it occurred to me today that it has to be at least 6 years.  I know this because I have never had my computer swapped as long as I have been a Supervisor (4 1/2 years) and I also know it was upgraded when I was still an "Onboarding Coach" (which was about 1 1/2 years prior to my promotion to Supervisor.

To be fair, I know I have had occassional memory added and the software on the system has been reinstalled/upgraded on a regular basis.  But I had NO IDEA that it would make such a huge difference in the speed at which things loaded and I was able to save documents, open spreadsheets, etc.



Isn't this a SUPER fancy chart ?!



I'm sure this makes the computer geeks (I mean that with great respect!) out there laugh at my stupidity ... fine!  Laugh away!  While you're laughing I just sent 100 e-mails and created all kinds of useless, but very fancy looking, charts and graphs from data I just made up!

I can't believe how much it actually made my day at work so much better ... and I realized that I had not really noticed how slow my old computer was.  I guess maybe it's time to consider an upgrade on the old home computer.

Maybe then these blogs won't take forever!  :)

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What exactly DID you expect?

My wife's e-mail account at home always has "Top Stories" on the front page.  Today's post included the following article about Taco Bell fighting back against reports that their taco meat isn't really "beef" and is instead some complex mix of assorted things made to taste like meat.

Taco Bell fights back

So I have to wonder ... exactly WHO in their right mind, goes to a fast food place, especially one with such inexpensive menu items like Taco Bell, and actually EXPECTS some extremely high-quality filling on their .79 cent soft-shell taco ?!

Did you think you were at the Broadmoor drive-thru?  Did the menu confuse you and you thought those prices were all in "hundreds"?  Was the fact that your meal was handed to you through a window that slides - OR - the fact that your food was placed in the only plastic bags that are thinner than those given at Wal-Mart NOT tip you off to the lower-quality likelihood of the food contained within?!

Perhaps they should put signs on the coffee mugs reminding you that the contents inside are HOT and you could burn yourself if you spill it all over your lap.  What's that?  Oh right ... they already DO THAT for the idiots that have forgotten that ... altogether now ...

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR !!!

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How do YOU type ?

Many years ago, my mother did all my typing for me.  In school when a report was due or if I needed to write a talk for church, etc. there was my mom saying "Just dictate it and I'll type it up for you."

She was a fantastic stenographer for me in those days, and did her fair share of editing that made me sound much smarter than I was (even smarter than I am today probably!)  Thanks mom!  You rock!

One thing that amazed me was the speed at which she typed.  I am no slow talker by any means.  And it only gets worse when I'm trying to outline something that needs to be written.  If you could hear the random trains leaving my thought station while I blog each day you would no doubt be sidetracked and get caught on a thought train that will never reach a destination and likely never return to the station from whence it came.  In fact if you're still reading this paragraph you're already on one !!!

My father was no slouch when it came to typing either, but he was always quicker on a Sears computer running numbers or perusing data from some sales report.  Kudos dad ... life skills man, life skills!

Both of my parents learned to type on an actual typewriter, so their fingers are still ingrained with the memory of pushing hard, very specifically, and ONLY in designated areas.  I think every once in a while you can still catch my mom reaching up to smack the return bar (I have no idea what the real name of it is but it's the thing that rings and then you have to push it all the way back over before you can begin typing on the next line).  By the way, that little journey was another lost thought train.  Sorry, but think of all the rewards miles you're racking up!

I ... am a hunt-and-peck typist.  I ... only use my index fingers and thumbs on both hands.  On occasion my pinkie finger (only on the right hand) will jump in the fray, but he has to be super quick or the other fingers will stare at him with such disdain that he runs all the way home shouting "Wheeee-wheeee" (or was that the little piggie?!)  Yup ... you just wasted some more time on another train of thought headed to nowheresville.

I also ... would be unable to type if there were no letters on the keyboard.  One of my co-workers switched a few letters on my keyboard as a joke once.

It wasn't funny.

Everyone got e-mails from me with completely incomprehensible words (because where the T used to be was now a Q and the J had been swapped with the F).  The sad thing is, I had to ask him to put the keys back in the right places because I had no idea where they were supposed to be.

Despite these "issues" ... I am still quite a fast typist.  No where near my mom's 1,000 words per second (or whatever is a really good but not impossible number).  The funny thing is, I still put my hands on the keyboard the way you are properly supposed to.  To the casual observer, you'd likely never even notice that I am only using a few fingers and one big fat thumb on the space bar.

Another co-worker at work was impressed with my typing prowess and happened to be sitting at my desk one day.  About halfway through a note I needed to send before we could "catch up," she startled me by saying quite loudly if I may say so "What are you doing?!"  I panicked for a moment and then asked what she meant.  She said "You're just using like three fingers to type.  How on earth are you that fast?  Why do you even put your hands on the keyboard?  Are you even looking at the keys?" ... and on and ON.

Turns out I am not actually confined to looking at the keyboard.  I still do most of the time, but have since that interaction I often notice that I haven't looked at the keys in quite a while.  Then my brain freaks out and says "Hey you idiot ... you better look at the keyboard or you're going to type something wrong!"  I wish my brain didn't think I was an idiot, but what are ya gonna do?!  That thought train should just crash into a mountain and end in a fiery explosion.  BOOM!

So next time you see me and we're near a computer and you need a good laugh ... ask me to type something and then you can be amazed and depressed (yes that is the word I want to use ... not IMpressed, DEpressed) at my ridiculous typing style.  I might even show you my retired thought trains ... I have quite a collection of them.  :)

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Ever hear of this guy ?

His name is Jimmer Fredette ... and if you don't know him by now then you must not watch sports or own a TV or have a man (sorry to be sexist) in your life that fits either of those two categories.

Dude scores 43 points (out of his team's 71 points)
against a team that was ranked 4th in the nation in college basketball.
And they KNEW he was THAT good ...
and they STILL couldn't stop him !!!

Go Cougars!  Go Jimmer!

Ain't it fun to be a fan of basketball!

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When Did THIS Happen ?

Tonight my mom and dad "popped by" our house before they head out on a vacation, of sorts, to Florida.  They wanted to see the grandkids and drop of some perishable food items (for the record Mom, chips and gum are NOT perishable!) along with another "thing."

This other "thing" was to drop off some paperwork for Karen and I to sign.
No big deal, right?!

This paperwork is only their Last Will and Testament along with a Power of Attorney and some other papers that will make me the official Executor of their estate ... blah, blah, blah.

NO, not blah, blah, blah ... I seriously am freaking out!  What on earth made them decide to finally get this paperwork all in order?  And also important, exactly when did I become the child that they designate to handle all their affairs when their time on this earth is done?!

To clarify, I am not upset about this.  I am honored!  But I am also a little worried that they are planning to fake their own deaths in Florida and retire to some community down there with secret identities and no ties to the real world.  Okay ... I don't really believe that, but they seemed very concerned that I have this paperwork before their big trip.  Just a little fishy if you ask me.


Well isn't this just a lovely little piece of heaven ?!

Anyway, this got me thinking that Karen and I probably should get all our things in order.  But it made me wonder which of my kids we should pick to be in charge of things.  I think that's a conversation worth waiting 20 years or so to have.

I do know that we're leaving the kids to Aunt Jodie and Uncle Jeremy ... if for nothing else than to force the two of them to get together "in the interest of the kids" and all that!  :)

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