Ever Written a Song Parody ?

One of the local radio stations is doing a contest for Weird Al concert tickets, which include backstage passes to a meet-and-greet with the man himself.
I've long been a fan of his (I can remember saving money to buy his new audio cassette tapes, like "Fat" and the "UHF" soundtrack).

The contest is simple:

submit your own, original song parody.

So here is my humble entry.  It is titled "Hood Life" and is sung to the tune of "Good Life" by Onerepublic.  I absolutely LOVE that song, but thought the best parody would be to turn such an upbeat song into a dismal narrative on street living.  If I was doing it professionally, I would replace the whistling parts of the song with ambulance and police car sirens.  Here is a link to the original song on youtube so you can try to sing along using the words below.

Woke up in L.A. yesterday

Found myself in an alley down from the valley

Don't really know how I got here

Can't find my wallet or my phone

Got cuts and bruises and broken bones

Sick to my stomach, I wanna go home

Day turns to night, night brings out all the rival gangs

And you can hear them say

Oh this has gotta be the hood life

This has gotta be the hood life

This could really be a hood life, hood life

Say OW! I got this knife wound from a bad fight

Bullets flyin' in the city tonight

This could really be the hood life

A hood, hood life

And here is the rest of the song (On the radio they said to just send one verse and the chorus, which is the above section, but I'm not one to do anything just halfway!)

To all the thugs in New York, I say Whoa!

Bloods and Crips in L.A. and they ho's

Wherever you've been in the past year or so

Stay the #=!! out of Col-or-ado !

Sometimes there's snitches that rat you out

Sometimes there's police on my tail now

We are gods of these streets but tell me-e-e-e

What's this graffiti all about ?

When you're on drugs you're a fool

And they take you over

When everyone is out

You're gonna get taken in

Oh this has gotta be the hood life

This has gotta be the hood life

This could really be a hood life, hood life

Say OW! Lost this finger in a gang fight

Set the Meth house all on fire tonight

This could really be a hood life

A hood, hood life

Hopelessly

I feel like I'm very unlikely to live

Hopelessly

I feel like the darkness is closing in

Hopelessly

I'm taking a mental picture of you now

'Cuz hopeFULLy

(If I live), in a lineup, I can point you out !

Oh this has gotta be the hood life

This has gotta be the hood life

This could really be a hood life, hood life

Say OW! Got this feeling that it's time to fight

All the pimps in this city tonight

This could really be a hood life

A hood, hood life

Oh no!

Hood, hood life

Hood life

AAAH!

Listen

To all the thugs in New York, I say Whoa!

Bloods and Crips in L.A. and they ho's

Wherever you've been in the past year or so

Stay the #=!! out of Col-or-ado !

Sometimes there's snitches that rat you out

Sometimes there's Po-Po's on your tail now

You are god of NOTHING so please tell me-e-e-e

What's this fighting all about ?

...

Are children BORN naturally destructive ?

Or is it a "learned behavior" ?!

I walk through my house and see messes and destruction everywhere.  Here is a cartoon that reminds me of it and my explanation of the mess in just one tiny room of the house!

The bathroom looks like a tornado hit it, with toilet paper pieces strewn about the floor.  There is a puddle of soap leaking from the spout of a tipped-over hand soap dispenser.  The hand towel itself can only be found with a thorough search, eventually turning up on the floor behind the toilet.  The toilet has a certain odor to it, which, upon further inspection, reveals an attempted, yet unsuccessful flushing of someone's monstrous #2 donation.  The mirror is covered, up to about three feet high, with soapy fingerprints and toothpaste kisses.  Shower towels are hung, mostly, on the barely-hanging-to-the-wall towel rack.  Tattered Archie comic books and assorted school papers, mostly arts and crafts, lay in pretty much every non-toilet-paper-accosted sections.  And don't even get me started on the variety of things not normally found in the shower that are cluttering the tub area, lurking behind the shower curtain that is miraculously still held up by more than half of the curtain rings.

And it continues in other rooms ... Pick a bedroom, any bedroom and you will find a relatively normal assortment of kid's stuff.  But in this house, you'll find 50% more "junk" and it will be instantly evident to you exactly what toys my children own ... because they are ALL sprawled across the floor with reckless abandon!

Furthermore, and this is on the "destructive" side of my inquiry, if there is any flaw in my home or with a piece of furniture within the home ... my kids WILL find it and WILL make it worse!  A few recent examples:
 - Peeling paint / texture from a poor mud-and-tape job in our office turned into a HUGE patch of torn / peeled wall and 3 inches of "sheetrock snow" on the floor.
 - A slightly loose chair became a BROKEN chair.
 - A folding table with a few nicks in the tabletop covering quickly expanded into strips of plastic-mesh and pieces of padding seemingly everywhere in the house.
 - A handful of caveman-like pencil drawings on the wall morphed into a history-of-the-world's worth of inscriptions.

So I have to wonder if it is nature or nurture.  If left alone, would a child naturally make a horrific mess of anything within reach?  Or is it the influence of  siblings?  Perhaps television or movies?  Misconstrued
"destruction" by parents (like tearing up junk mail)?  Weigh in with your thoughts because I'd really like to know.

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My Life According to OMD ?

This is still my overall favorite
of OMD's many albums!

Okay, so I must give credit where credit is due.  My cousin Matt posted this originally (and he got it from Facebook).  My brother Jeremy beat me to the punch and used it as well here.

It was about time I took up the challenge so herewith is my life according to OMD (Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark).

(Feel free to copy / paste to your Facebook page

or Blog with your own group and answers ...

using ONLY song titles from their music!)

Pick Your Artist:

OMD

Are You Male Or Female?:

King Of Stone

Describe Yourself:

Talking Loud And Clear

How Do You Feel?:

So In Love

Describe Where You Currently Live:

Big Town

If You Could Go Anywhere,
Where Would You Go?:

The Beginning And The End

Your Favorite Form Of Transportation:

Sailing On The Seven Seas

Your Best Friend:

Crush

Your Favorite Color Is:

Green

What’s The Weather Like?:

66 And Fading

Favorite Time Of Day:

Sunday Morning

If Your Life Was A TV Show,

What Would It Be Called?:

Was It Something I Said

What Is Life For You?:

Victory Waltz

Your Relationships:

Best Years Of Our Lives

Looking For:

Pandora's Box

Have:

Secret

Wouldn’t Mind:

Souvenir

Your Fear:

Hard Day ... or ... She's Leaving

What Is The Best Advice You Have To Give?:

Heaven Is

If You Could Change Your Name,

What Would You Change It To?:

Apollo

Thought For The Day:

That Was Then

How I Would Like To Die:

Then You Turn Away

My Soul’s Present Condition:

(Forever) Live And Die

My Motto:

Walk Tall

 
(Any song above that is BOLDED IN BLUE is one I actually have heard and love and would recommend for anyone to listen to!  The others just fit the assignment).
 
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Do you have House Keys ?

That was the question I asked my wife when I called her this afternoon.
Let me back up so you'll get the whole story.

It's Labor Day and the family was at the VGRA Pool for one last swim before it closes for the year.  I didn't really want to sit around so I offered to head on home and fire up the charcoal briquettes so we could have hamburgers and hot dogs (if we could find any in our house that weren't frozen).  Karen and the kids love my flame-grilled burgers so she was quick to say yes.

I drove home, knowing I would have to hurry since it was already 11:45am and I had to be to work at 1:00pm.
I opened the garage door, waved at my neighbor as I got out of the car, and proceeded to the house door inside the garage.

I was SHOCKED to find that it would not open.

I realized immediately that it was LOCKED.  :(

Here's the worst part (for me anyway):
 - I had gotten up at 4:55am to help get kids up and ready to go to the
hot air balloon classic (a family tradition on Labor Day).
 - AFTER that, I had gone golfing with my father-in-law
(we played 9 holes on a local Par 3 course).
 - And I had not showered or even changed into "cleaner" clothes yet!

So today I was at work, feeling grungy and NOT wearing a Progressive shirt for the first time in as long as I can remember!  It was horrible!  :(
We have now decided to get a few extra sets of house keys and will keep them in secret but accessible places from now on!

...

What's your silly "wish list" item ?

Everyone has a secret "wish list" of things they desire.  The reasons for not having that "thing" are varied: not enough money, not enough time to use it, no place to keep it, etc.
My silly wish list item is ... a golf cart!

Don't they just look so happy ?!  :)

It fits all the criteria I listed above.  It is a terrible idea.  I couldn't afford to purchase, use, or perform routine maintainance on a golf cart.  But I soooooo want one!  I just think it would be super cool to drive one around ... anywhere, anytime.  Of course it would be the best to bring MY OWN GOLF CART to the local golf courses.  I hate paying so much extra to drive one on the course.

I don't need to go fast.  I don't need to drive long distances.  I don't need air conditioning (kinda already has that!) or a rockin' sound system (just listen to the music of cars passing you by).  I don't really need much room for other passengers (who would want to ride with me anyway?!).  I don't need much storage space for groceries, home improvement items, etc.

I could drive it in the "bike lane" so I wouldn't be impeding traffic.  I would only be travelling within 1-2 miles of my house, but think how cool it would be to pick up my kids at school in one of those!  Love it or hate it, you know you would be jealous when I get back to the house a full 70 seconds ahead of you!  :)

One day, if I can ever really justify the cost and if I have a place to "park" it, I will own a golf cart.  You may see me puttering around town in it.  I'd love to see the face of the McDonald's drive-thru team as I order my food and pull around in my tricked out golf cart!  Suh-weet !!!  :)

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How Could You ?!

I've debated alot about writing this blog.  Ultimately I have decided that it will be cleansing for me to just "put it out there" and then I feel I'll finally be able to move on with my life.

I found out a few days ago that someone I have looked up to for a long time recently made a decision to abandon something he had been committed to for virtually his whole life.  I'll not go into the details, other than to say that one of the many reasons I looked up to this person was his commitment to this very "thing" he just abandoned.

I cannot understand it.  I cannot explain it.  I am desperate to know "the details" but at the same time, I know it would make no difference in my opinion of the situation.  I am hurt.  I am disappointed.  I am saddened and worried for this person.  Most of all, I am grateful for my wife, my children, my family, my friends, my faith, and my choices ... most of which have led me to the "right" things in life.

My wife is very shaken as a result of this decision, even though we are not very "close' to the family(s) involved.  I've spent hours talking to her about this situation and reaffirming her that WE would never have that sort of experience.  I am still concerned that she will never fully be convinced of that, which is the main reason it bothers me so much.

Of all things I think, the main point is this:
your choices DO define you!

We are counseled to watch our thoughts, words, and deeds for a reason!
What you think becomes what you say.
What you say becomes what you do.
What you do becomes who you are.

This pattern is not made up.  It is REAL!  You cannot constantly think about something without it eventually leading you down the rest of that path.  So be careful what you choose.  Even the little decisions that seem harmless can lead you down a path you may never come back from.

To end on a positive note, here is my short list of "Best Decisions I've Ever Made" for your reading pleasure:
 - Being born (I know I chose to come here to earth!)
 - Being baptized (at 8 years old into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)
 - Being ordained to the Priesthood (in that same church)
 - Serving a two-year mission in Los Angeles, CA. (for that same church)
 - Choosing a career with a company (Progressive Insurance) that allows me to believe as I do and keep my family first above all else!
 - Graduating from high school and then (14 years later and much to the credit of my wife) from college with a degree in Communication
 - NEVER ... smoking a cigarette, drinking alcohol or coffee, using drugs, having pre-marital sex or going to strip clubs, etc.
 - Marrying my sweetheart, Karen, for time and all eternity in the Denver LDS Temple
 - Having each of my 6 beautiful, amazing, children (Josh Jr, Ben, Brooklyn, Savannah, Cat, and Myra!)
 - EVERY selfless act of service I have ever performed for anyone, from helping people move to yardwork to providing rides to just being there when someone needed to talk.

Thanks to my Father in Heaven for sticking with me through ALL of these decisions and for guiding me to the right pathways in my life!

...

Wait. What am I supposed to do ?



L-R ... Josh Jr and Ben (front) ... Brooklyn and Cat (back)

 
I haven't really blogged much about my second son, Ben, but the other day while driving him to school for choir practice, we had an experience that gave me a perfect opportunity to write about his keen sense of humor.





As we (Ben and I) were headed to my car, my wife Karen shouts out to him ... "Don't forget to pick up Savannah."
You see, on Wednesdays, my oldest daughter Brooklyn has cheerleading practice, so Ben has to pick up Savannah instead of just meeting Brooklyn at her classroom.

Anyway, we drive down the road a little ways in silence and as we get around the corner, Ben says to me "Wait.  What am I supposed to do?"  For a brief moment I feel many different emotions.  Frustration that he wasn't paying attention.  Disappointment that he doesn't remember.  Concern that he is going to "forget again" by the time school is out.  And on and on.

Ben hard at work at
Cub Scout Day Camp

And then I glance over at Ben and see the grin sneaking across his face.  He is totally kidding me!  He begins to laugh and then I begin to laugh.  He says "I got you with that didn't I ?!  You thought I actually forgot or wasn't listening huh ?!  Ha ha!"

I love that boy, even if he is sometimes a little too sarcastic.  He is still learning the specific times when joking is not a good idea, but I love that he has found an outlet in making people laugh.  It has served me well all these years and I hope it will do the same for him.  :)

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